out of the mouths of babes

Two more pieces of wisdom from Older Daughter.

1) I asked her if she had some new friends at school (new school this year). She said yes, and I asked for a name, and she named a little girl I have met. I said, "She's pretty quiet and shy, isn't she?" Older Daughter said, "Yeah, and she cries a lot." I asked why, and she said, "Because she wants her mom and dad and stuff like that." I said, "Do you try to help her?" She said, "Yes, but sometimes friends don't want to be helped."

Wow. I asked if that was something her teachers told her, and she said no, she came up with it herself. I think that it is a good lesson for me in my life.

2) Last night we got to talking about my mom, and she said that her oma is still with opa in the house, she's just ashes now (which is true). I said I thought that wasn't good enough, because I want Oma to be able to talk to us and give us hugs and stuff. I said it's sad that she can't. "Yeah," she said. I asked if she feels sad (I'm trying to find a balance between harassing her about it and giving her the chance to feel comfortable talking if she wants to). She said, "Yes, but it's harder for you than for me, because that was your mom."

Wow again. I said something about it being different for her and for me, not so much an issue of harder, and she just insisted that it's harder for me because it was my mom. I guess she's not wrong. Based on previous discussions with her, I know she thinks about the idea of your mom taking care of you, so since I'm still around, she might miss Oma but she's basically okay. She also knows I'm going to be okay in the end because I'm a grownup and when you're a grownup you don't need your mom to take care of you in the same way.

I love getting a glimpse of how kids think. And they're so wise, before they start learning the conventions of thought.

Comments

[Mama Mama In Pajamas]

Hi,

I am Ani, and a mom too. My mother died 6 weeks after my baby was born. Just wanted you to know that I am here and listening to your words. It is hard to mother without our mothers. I love your ability to look deeply.

Peace,
Ani

[reesie]

Kids are amazingly smart and intuitive than most adults give them credit for. Your kiddo sounds pretty damned intuitive.

[Heidi]

Ani, Thank you so much. I appreciate your support, and I'm so sorry that your mom died. How old is your baby now?

Reesie, I know I think pretty highly of the kid. :)

[Mama Mama In Pajamas]

She is 3 1/2. In some ways I feel like this third year with the grief has been the most intense.
The first year I had a new baby, and was so filled with that, but the third year something opened up and I spiral through.

I am sorry that you mother died too.
xoxo